You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
