Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize