I'm going to jail i love you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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