you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
