When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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