how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
