I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
