I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
