she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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