I'm gonna have a badass scar
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
