were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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