'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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