High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
