jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
