If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
last night I used snow as a chaser
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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