this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
