I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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