Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
