Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize