Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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