Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
