Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
