I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
