Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
