I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
