Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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