we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
