those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
