i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
