party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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