I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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