youre lurking in front of me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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