dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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