By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
