the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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