Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
