Got a toothbrush?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
