I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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