So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
