I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
