Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
