I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
