I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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