dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
