Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
