So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
