spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
