turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
