have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
