Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
