If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
