hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
