OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
