anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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