So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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