It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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