I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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