when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
