I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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