The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize