I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
