if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
