Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
