youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
