I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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