That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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