if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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