Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I skipped work to stalk him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
