You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
