How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
