i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
