Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
