So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
