can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
