Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
