Say something about gay babies.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
