My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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