I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
