My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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