Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
