dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
