Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
